


Reticence

by Velrangifer



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew cant take a goddamn rest, Andrew just being lowkey pissed about everything, M/M, Masturbation, Neil is the literal Smirking Face emoji, maybe? God..., panicky Kevin just because, sexual fantasies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 16:16:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8674084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velrangifer/pseuds/Velrangifer
Summary: There's two things Andrew doesn't want to think about: Neil's stay in Evermore and Neil himself. Guess what he ends up thinking about anyways.





	

**Author's Note:**

> God this is the first andreil/tfc fic i ever write so bear with me. Also i haven't written smut in ages so... bear with me.  
> This takes place on the events after Neil's stay in Evermore, before their match against the Bearcats.  
> Thanks Myken (aristptle on tumblr!) for doing the beta!! ilysm you saved me

When Neil stopped being DANGER, he started becoming a PROBLEM. A problem with no other solution than to avoid it. He could have just walked away, shrugged it off, paid no mind. That’d have been the smartest thing to do, Andrew knew. But he didn’t, and he hated that he didn’t.

He hated how Neil got into him like it was his business, like Andrew was his answer. And here he was, laying in bed at three in the morning, wide awake, and thinking.

He could hear Nicky’s snoring and Kevin’s mumbling just some feet away, but that wasn’t the reason he was awake. He was a light sleeper, yes, but he had gotten used to the sounds that he was currently hearing, and he could sleep through them just fine. The reason he couldn’t sleep was because he was thinking about Neil Josten. That idiot couldn’t even leave Andrew alone in his own head.

He should be sleeping, he told himself. Lord Exy and his Buffon practiced drills until one in the fucking morning today, and he was tired. Andrew denied to keep playing past twelve thirty, which made Kevin really mad, not that Andrew cared. He saw a little bit of disappointment in Neil’s eyes that he couldn’t simply ignore, but he refused to let it get to him. Neil couldn’t just do that and expect Andrew to feel something about it, but _fuck_ he could, and Andrew played a few minutes more before throwing a ball at Kevin’s head because he was pissing him off. Kevin snarled something back, and Andrew refused to keep playing.

Neil said he’d take a quick shower and told Andrew and Kevin they didn’t have to wait for him. Andrew saw Neil disappear in the stalls and frowned. Kevin started towards the door, and as he noticed Andrew wasn’t following, he stopped. “Let’s go” Kevin said, as if Andrew didn’t know what to do already.

 _You go_ , Andrew almost said. He knew he should be protecting Kevin at all times, but since Neil showed up beaten to the pulp, and with that fucking number on his cheek, Andrew was starting to think Kevin wasn’t the one who needed protecting. And yet Neil refused his help, so Andrew could walk away with Kevin right nowーOr at any given opportunityー If he really wanted to.

“Wait here” he told Kevin, who grumbled something Andrew couldn’t hear, as he was already heading towards the showers.

He saw Neil’s changing clothes neatly folded on a bench, opposite to where he was showering. The dirty uniform was on the floor below. He thought about how nice Neil looked wearing it. He wished their shorts were a little shorter (you could barely see skin between them and their long socks), but that meant Andrew would have to wear them as well, and he wouldn’t want that. He let it slide.

The boy looked like nothing but a smudge behind the glass of the shower, but it made Andrew’s breath get funny for a second. His thoughts were interrupted by shuddering breaths that came from the other side of the shower door, and he froze. There could be two possibilities that justified what he was hearing, but he decided to go for the one his instincts reminded him of first.

If Neil was having a panic attack, he wouldn’t know what to do, but he still felt he could so something. He tapped the glass lightly with a knuckle once, then once again when Neil didn’t respond the first time. The glass opened slowly, and Neil peeked his head out a little bit; his hair and face were damp from the water, his eyelashes seemed bigger when wet, and his blue eyes darker. Andrew appreciated the sight for a second before Neil spoke. “I thought you were heading to Fox Tower. What are you doing here?” he asked, a little out of breath.

Andrew studied him, there were no signs of panic in his features, just a shocked expression from seeing Andrew in front of him, and a hint of blush on his cheeks from the heat. His gaze centered on the number below his eye and flicked back to Neil’s eyes.

“Need some help with that?” he asked teasingly. Neil’s mouth twitched.

“I was doing fine before you came,” he replied in the same tone. Andrew arched an eyebrow. “I can take care of myself, you know? Of course you know.” He was pissing Andrew off already. He regretted stepping in, but he couldn’t walk away just yet.

“Of course I do” he replied, purposefully scratching under his left eye. Neil’s lips curved upwards; it was obvious he didn’t regret it, it was obvious he’d do it again if he could, and that just made Andrew even more furious, but he gave no sign of it.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

Neil stepped inside the shower again, but left the door wide for Andrew to come inside if he wanted to. Andrew stared at the silent invitation but didn’t give in entirely. Instead he peeked his head inside and Neil came towards him.

“See something you like?” Neil asked playfully. Andrew didn’t take his eyes off Neil’s face and fought the urge to look somewhere else. Neil noticed and stopped in front of Andrew.

“Yes or no?” Neil asked. Andrew didn’t want to wait to say: “Yes.”

The kiss was sweet, something Andrew hadn’t tried before, but the sight of Neil was overwhelming him more than he wanted to admit. They parted their mouths and started over, just dragging their lips against the other’s. Andrew bit down Neil’s lower lip and said, “Kevin is waiting.”

Neil still had his eyes closed as he gasped, “Fuck Kevin.”

Andrew’s mouth curved for a second, but he said sharply, “It’s two in the morning, Neil.” It was not two in the morning yet, but Neil got the message.

He opened his eyes and sighed, “Right. Go ahead.” Andrew gave him another look before he closed the door, and used Neil’s towel to dry his head a bit before meeting Kevin in the lobby.

“Why the fuck were you taking soー” Kevin paused as he saw Andrew’s hair still wet from the shower, and frowned. “ーNevermind. Can we go?”

He waved a hand, and Kevin stepped outside, giving the door a fierce yank. Andrew caught it before it closed and followed Kevin out of the court. They drove to Fox Tower in silence, even though Kevin’s anxiety was too loud. He opened his eyes wide like he’d seen a ghost whenever he glanced at Neil. Even if a band aid was covering the ink, Kevin could still sense it through it. The number didn’t mean shit to Andrew, but the fact that Riko has had his way with Neil and forced it on him, made his blood boil.

Once they got into their dorm Kevin stormed to the bathroom and Andrew sent Neil a message as he was opening the freezer in search for what was left of his ice-cream. _I’ll pick you up when you’re done._

Kevin got out of the bathroom minutes later with his hair soaking wet and a hairdryer in hand. When he bent down to plug it in the wall next to his desk, he saw Andrew sprawled in the beanbag, eating his ice-cream. The look Kevin sent him was either disappointing or incredulous. Or both.

“It’s fucking winter.”

Andrew almost snorted at his anger, but instead he lifted his spoon in a silent invitation. Kevin scowled at the offer and turned the hairdryer on, not caring that Nicky and Aaron were sleeping in the other room at all.

When Andrew was done with his ice-cream, his phone buzzed. He flipped it open as he stood up, and threw the plastic cup in the trash.

 _It’s fine. I’ll walk to the dorms._ He blinked tiredly and let it go; if Neil wanted some time alone, he’d have it. He was not in danger around campus, Andrew wanted to think. Riko could not be a menace until their match, he had exposed himself enough.

He showered and went to bed at half past two. Now it was three twenty, and he was still awake. Kevin was mumbling again, and Andrew swore under his breath. He could tell Kevin was having a nightmare, and Nicky was not dreaming at all; they were still shocked at Neil’s new appearance and his attempt to make things better.

He wondered how Neil was doing, then slapped that thought out of his mind because he was the one that was supposed to be getting some sleep tonight, but the sudden image of Neil’s body kept him furiously staring the bottom of Kevin’s bunk.

Is not that he hadn’t had his fantasies earlier; when Neil was still DANGER and his drugs kept him busy from thinking too much about it. He was allowed to think about Neil this way, Betsy had told him once when he accidentally brought it out during a visit. Neil wasn’t an object for sexual desires as Andrew had first thought. Neil was not something he would play with, something he would break, something he would use. Neil was real ーnot an hallucination, nor a pipe dreamー and what Andrew felt for him might be real as well.

Neil was a problem.

He closed his eyes and centered his thoughts on Neil’s blue eyes; the way they sparked in excitement when playing Exy, and the way he sometimes saw his own reflection in them. But the way they always looked at him was too much to handle, so he moved past them to Neil’s mouth. It spoke too much bullshit, Andrew couldn’t bare it; there was no one on Earth that could shut him up. Andrew might never admit it, but he liked the way Neil’s mouth spat comeback after comeback, getting him in the worst kind of trouble. He was reminded of what Neil had said to Riko on live television and at the banquet. His nerve. Neil’s lips were soft, and the way they always parted in anticipation for a kiss made his chest ache. His tongue was hot, and it slipped past his so easily, like it had a mind of its own.

 _You spend all this time watching our backs, who's watching yours?_ Andrew frowned and moved on.

The skin on Neil’s neck was always warm, he might not have a thing for it like Neil had for his, but he always thought of leaving marks everyone could see. He frowned again, he might have been getting a little too possessive. Neil wasn’t his property, and he wasn’t anyone else’s. He knew that’s how they saw him in Evermore. _Stop thinking about it_ , he told himself.

Neil’s torso was something else. The moment he saw his scars he knew it was going to be a problem ーNo, the moment Neil let him touch them was the moment he knew it was going to be a problem. Those scars were definitely not from a life on the run. Riko’s abuse hadー _No_.

He thought about Neil’s hands; the long, calloused fingers and the short fingernails, the knuckles split and swollen, the purple bruised wrists. Andrew took a deep breath. Fuck this.

 _Why does Roland think you’d do this to me?_ He’d never in his goddamn life. Fuck Roland for outing him like that. Though sometimes, he wished Neil didn’t listen when Andrew told him “just here” so he would have a reason to cut him off, but Neil never went past Andrew’s boundaries, and it was masochistic to think he should have done it.

 _“He punched Riko in the face,”_ Nicky told him back at the clinic, sounding a little amazed. Andrew wasn’t impressed; it was bound to happen sooner or later. _“I couldn’t see it, but Matt said so. I guess... that’s when Neil agreed to go to Evermore.”_

When he opened his eyes again he realized he was hard. Fuck. What exactly caused this reaction? Andrew didn’t know, but this was not the right place to take care of it. Kevin, Aaron and Nicky might be sleeping, but that didn’t make it any more comfortable. He’d often do it in the bathroom, or in the shower, because he was with Kevin all damn day (pun intended).

He got off his bed quietly and went straight to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He opened the curtain and and twisted the cold water on. He was getting rid of this. However, he stared at the shower for a while and remembered Neil in the stalls hours ago. In his peripheral vision he could see water rolling down Neil’s chest and hips, to his muscled thighs and legs. Andrew swallowed hard. He could almost feel Neil’s length in his hand, and the soft puffs of breath in his ear as Andrew stroked him hard. He couldn’t bear it after that, he couldn’t even look at Neil in the eye. Why didn’t he just tell him _no_? Why did he let Andrew get away with it? Neil gave him the yes, but Andrew hadn’t thought it was genuine.

He scratched his neck as he observed the water falling against the floor. He felt Neil’s ghost kiss on the left side and ran a hand over the place, shivering. It wasn’t something he had allowed, but it wasn’t something he didn’t want either, so he let him do it again.

He remembered Neil’s hands gripping tight in his hair, pulling, and they’d been nowhere else. He remembered the lines of his scars and the weight of the kiss; lips dragging, tongues teasing, biting, and he wanted it all.

He leaned against the wall and pressed a hand to his inner thigh. He hesitated for a moment, but in a few seconds he started rubbing circles on his thigh, his thumb pressing lightly against his groin, and he gasped quietly. He thought about Neil instead of himself; touching him where he most needed it, running his hands up and down through Neil’s thighs, feeling every muscle tense, and watching Neil’s hips arch against the touch. He thought about Neil’s soft moans and whimpers; the way they grew in volume when Andrew touched him in the right place.

Andrew grunted. His cock felt tight against his jeans and he couldn’t stand it anymore. He undid the button and zipped it down, thinking he’d do the same to Neil if he let him. He’d kiss the tip and swallow him whole, make it good so he could listen to Neil’s moans one more time.

He took his cock in hand and began stroking it hard, just like how he did to Neil. The imagery of himself sucking Neil off was his guide through orgasm. He’d let him grab his hair and pull all he wanted. Andrew would occasionally glance at him in search for any signs of discomfort, but Neil would grin and moan Andrew’s name like it was the only word he knew. He’d say _Yes, Andrew. I’m so close._

Andrew put a hand around his mouth to quiet a moan as he came in his hand. He stroked himself a few times more until he was shuddering and panting for breath.

He stood pressed at the wall for a moment, still dizzy from his orgasm and his thoughts. His mind was telling him things but he wasn’t there to listen.

_If it means losing you, then no._

Shut up, Neil.

He washed his hands and turned the shower off. It must have been around four in the morning, but he no longer cared. Before crawling back to bed, he glanced at Kevin’s bunk, his right hand was grabbing his left in a tight grip, and he was breathing hard. Andrew bent down and grabbed one of his shoes, and threw it at Kevin. He woke up in a rush, panting.

“What the fuck?” he hissed. Andrew saw him reach for his face by the lights from outside the window. “What did you throw at me?” Andrew simply crawled into his bed and ignored Kevin’s heavy whispering and cursing, this time trying not to wake the others. Andrew turned over and closed his eyes, and finally fell asleep.


End file.
